


Coping

by Miss_TC_Nova



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:34:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29251536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_TC_Nova/pseuds/Miss_TC_Nova
Summary: Riku has plans for the day but is struggling to cope.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	Coping

He stares at the roof of the Gummiship, the emptiness in his skull preying on his thoughts like a blackhole. Once anything coherent crawls its way from the darkness, the void snatches it up and leaves him again with nothing. The inescapable gravity affects not just the mind, but also the body. His muscles feel like lead and the makeshift bed clings to him, making it easier to succumb to his inertia. There is no desire to get up, not when it feels like such an impossible feat.

“Hey! Get out of bed! It’s already noon!”

There’s his motivation, her voice cutting through the convalescence.

Despite her demand, he groans. “Kairi…”

“Come on, Riku, I thought we were the lazy ones,” a boy teases.

There’s the other one. Heaving a sigh, the young man puts a tremendous amount of effort into sitting up; the exhaustion is already threatening to pull him back under the covers. Hands drag along his face, hoping to dispel some of the lethargy.

“What are you, an old man?”

Riku growls back, “Gimme a break. I didn’t get to sleep until four.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be the responsible one too?”

“Shut up, Sora.”

Echoing laughter encourages Riku to shove himself off the bed and get dressed. The two continue to pester him as he gets ready. Admittedly, it’s particularly difficult for him to get going, but his best friends’ well-intended harassment convinces him to press on.

Plopping into the driver’s seat, Riku’s foggy mind struggles to remember his task. “What was the plan again?”

Kairi replies, “Aqua, Terra, and Ven asked if you would visit today.”

“Oh yeah,” Sora hums as Riku shifts the vessel into gear. “They wanted to catch up and do some sparring.”

“ _Training_ ,” Kairi corrects. “Just because Xehanort is gone doesn’t mean new skills can’t be learned. And those three are bound to know some interesting techniques.”

“Yeah yeah.”

The Gummiship starts taking off and Riku chuckles, “There’s the lazy guy I remember.”

“Hey!”

“Oh, you also wanted to go to Radiant Garden today,” Kairi reminds.

“Oh…” Riku looks to his Gummiphone. “Do I have time?”

Sora isn’t so worried. “You should be fine. Only take an hour or two to get between worlds and the castle closes at ten.”

Not entirely convinced but going along anyway, Riku hums, “Right. Just gotta watch the clock.”

Their chatter fills the silence, giving the driver some entertainment as he pilots the ship towards his destination. He has his input in the conversation, but is pretty content listening to their banter—it’s something he desperately needs right now.

~~~~~

Sooner than he knows it, Riku docks on the Land of Departure. He takes a moment to awe at the towering castle, still in disbelief that this was once the dreaded Castle Oblivion; it’s regal yet welcoming.

As he makes his way toward the entrance, the front door opens to reveal some familiar faces. Ven races down the steps, waving wildly.

Kairi giggles. “Easily excitable, isn’t he? Just like Sora.”

The thought tugs at some heartstrings but Riku greets Ven with a high-five when the boy reaches the bottom.

Aqua is next to approach, wrapping the young man in a hug. “It’s good to see you. How have you been?”

“Doing alright,” he responds, returning her gesture. “How’s it been here?”

“Pretty peaceful actually,” she says. “Except when these two are left alone for too long.”

“Look, I said I was sorry,” Terra grumbles, joining last. “And it was Ven’s fault. He’s the one who knocked the clock over.”

“Ven knocked over a clock?!” Sora laughs.

“An _antique_ grandfather clock,” Aqua points out.

Ven snaps, “I was pushed into it!”

“Anyway!” The woman tries to steer the topic away from the chaos. “How’s the search going?”

A nervous hand scratches at the back of Riku’s head. “Still nothing yet, but everyone’s keeping eyes out for any clues—we won’t give up.”

“And we won’t either,” she says with a smile.

He grins for show. “Thanks.”

“Are you ready to get started or do you need a minute?”

“Ready whenever you are.”

On the training grounds, Terra and Riku start with some sparring. The younger male must actively fight his fatigue in order to stand against the powerhouse. Terra’s strength and endurance are already challenging enough but a sluggish Riku has his work cut out for him. It doesn’t help that his friends are yelling at him to keep up.

Soon, Ventus seems to find spectating a boring sport and leaps into the fray, followed shortly by Aqua. It takes only moments for Riku to be pushed to the sidelines but, before he can jump back in, he gets a good look at the battle. It’s both awe-inspiring and bitter to see. Aqua’s ability to dance out of reach, Ven’s reprisal attacks, Terra’s timing—they know each other so well it’s like they choreographed it. They’re best friends who trained together for years.

“The keyblade brought them together,” he says under his breath.

Jealousy slithers through Riku’s chest; the keyblade only tore him and his friends apart.

Sora interrupts his rumination. “The keyblade granted us the power to protect the things we care about.”

Riku’s grip tightens on his keyblade, the embers of contempt beginning to smolder.

“But I couldn’t.”

A blur flashes in front of him. Remembering the situation, Riku attempts to block, but his realization was a second too late. The next thing he knows, he’s rolling across the ground with the dull pain of inevitable bruises all over his body.

“Oh crap!” The assailant, Ventus, hurries after Riku. “Are you okay?!”

Sitting up, Riku rubs at his head. “What happened?”

“You let your guard down,” giggles Kairi.

Ven helps his victim up. “Sorry, I thought you were ready so I used Time Splicer.”

Riku dusts himself off. “What’s that?”

“It sounds cool,” Sora comments.

Once it’s explained, sparring shifts into training as Aqua and Ven volunteer to teach the technique.

Riku’s keyblade makes contact with the tank, but when Terra fends him off, he knows he failed again.

“Go Riku!” Kairi cheers. “You can do it!”

Growling to himself, Riku slips around Terra to try a second time. Unfortunately, when struck again, Terra continues to defend himself, something he wouldn’t be able to do if the attack had worked. Aggravation starts wearing at his composure.

“C’mon! Focus!” Sora shouts.

Riku yells back, “Would you two cut it out?! I’m trying to concentrate!”

In that brief second, Riku was not concentrating and Terra’s retaliation connects, sending him flying.

The loser skids to a halt and Sora says, “That was not focusing,”

“It’s your fault,” grumbles Riku, pulling his face from the dirt.

Terra calls out, “Hey, Riku?”

He glances back, finding various expression of disturbed and concerned as the trio watches him.

“Sorry.” He hops to his feet. “I kinda lost focus there. Let’s go again.”

Terra and Aqua exchange glances before the woman asks, “You know you can talk to us, right?”

“What?”

His predecessor replies, “We know what it’s like to be separated from the people closest to you.”

Kairi murmurs, “You guys went through a lot of that, didn’t you.”

Aqua rests a gentle hand on Riku’s arm. “We know that you have to keep fighting, but it’s okay to ask for help. We’re here for you, whenever you need us.”

“Oh, they’re worried,” Sora explains.

Riku glances between the hosts, concern clear in each of them. These three have gone through hell—probably still suffering from that trauma—but here they are, worrying about _him_. Fists tighten, signifying the seams in his heart ready to burst.

His mouth works faster than his brain.

“I’m fine.”

Ven tilts his head. “Really? I don’t think t—"

Terra’s hand literally shuts the boy up. Aqua looks disappointed, especially when Riku smiles in an attempt to dissuade their doubt.

“Really. I appreciate it, but I’m okay.” Before any of them can argue, he adds, “I think I’m ready to keep going. Can we try the Time Splicer again?”

“Don’t push yourself too much,” warns Sora. “You’ll just end up in the dirt again.”

“Actually, I think this is a good place to stop,” Aqua says. Riku’s muscles tense but she goes on with a brightness that’s too forced. “It’s almost time for dinner. I hope stew is okay.”

Pulling his GummiPhone from his pocket, Riku checks the time—he’s still got a few hours. “Sounds great.”

“It’s been cooking all day! It smells so good!” Ven says, bouncing towards the castle.

“I bet Aqua’s food is amazing,” Kairi coos.

Terra puts in, “Her cooking is the best.”

While Aqua and Terra seem to be watching Riku closely, they all enjoy catching up over dinner. Their enjoyable bit of peace is a source of envy for weary Riku; he’s glad they found each other again, but he’d give damn near everything to have what they have right now. Nevertheless, they don’t deserve to endure his negativity, no matter how draining their happy aura is.

“And that’s why Master Eraqus banned Aqua from the kitchen for a month,” Terra says. The boys laugh while Aqua scowls as the victim of the latest embarrassing tale.

Still feigning his pleasantries, Riku hides the fact his laugh is put on behind a sip of water. That’s when he notices the window.

The sky is as black.

In a panic, Riku tears his phone from his pocket—it’s 9 PM. Somehow, despite absolutely dreading the casualties of his visit, he lost track of time.

“You’re going to be late!” Kairi shouts.

“You okay?” Terra asks.

He stands abruptly. “I gotta go.”

The three follow after him.

“Are you okay? Is something wrong?” Aqua questions.

“No. I just…I have somewhere to be.” As he pulls open the door, part of him had hoped his eyes deceived him, but the darkness is daunting.

“It’s late; you should stay,” the woman insists. “We’ve got plenty of room.”

“You aren’t gonna make it,” Sora says.

They’re still worried, Riku knows that, but part of him really wishes they just wouldn’t bother. “No, I really have to go.”

“Hey, you’re under a lot of stress,” Terra tells him. “In times like that, it’s best to have friends around. I know we’re not your closest friends but we care about you.”

Not wanting to act on his fraying patience, Riku responds, “Thanks, but I really need to go.” This time, he can’t even fake a smile. “I’ll see you guys later.”

They bid him goodbye and Aqua reminds him to take care of himself before Riku takes off towards his ship.

“There really wasn’t any harm in staying,” Kairi murmurs as the Gummiship begins to lift off.

Sora adds on, “You can probably go back. They’ll understand.”

“No. I made a promise,” Riku says firmly, feeling that exhaustion from earlier.

“Go back,” pleads Kairi.

“No.”

Sora’s sadness comes through. “Riku…”

The long flight is filled with them pestering him about his choice, sometimes repeating their arguments. Riku ignores their reasoning. No matter how miserable he feels, he has to move forward.

~~~~~

The Gummiship touches down in Radiant Garden. Eyes caught by the high moon, Riku steps off.

“Shit,” he hisses, bolting down the walkway.

His steps echo off the stone walls, enunciating the empty streets and the desperation squeezing on his lungs. Cruses string through his thoughts, berating him for his mistake.

Finally reaching the castle, it feels like he’s been sprinting for days. A heavy hand raises to knock against the door. When there is no response, he tries again, fighting the water welling in his eyes.

There’s still no answer.

Kairi whispers, “It’s okay. I know you’re trying.”

With no way of venting his frustration, Riku gnashes his teeth together. He ambles back to the ship, feeling his own disappointment crush his heart.

Immediately upon his return, Riku flops onto his bed, the weight of the day instantly overtaking him. The frustration from training and regret of missing his visit are simply byproducts of a bad day, however, in his current state, they instigate tears that muddle his view.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Kairi soothes. “You can visit tomorrow.”

“I should’ve paid more attention to the time,” Riku grumbles. “I might’ve made it if they stopped asking if I was okay.”

She retorts, “You weren’t going to make it even if they hadn’t said anything. Besides, they’re just worried about you.”

“I’m not the one they should be worried about.”

Sora argues, “It’s not like they’re only allowed to worry about one person. You’re just as important as we are.”

“But I’m fine,” he growls.

“Really?”

A fist pounds against the floor. “Yes! I’m here, aren’t I?! I’m here and I’m fighting and I’m still going! I’m fine!”

Kairi cuts back in. “But Riku…we aren’t even real.”

The statement plunges a knife into his heart, driving home just how far he’s fallen.

Palms pressed against his eyes, futilely fighting the lump in his throat, the young man whimpers, “I know.”

“This isn’t normal.”

“I know.”

“You’re not fine.”

“I know! I know I’m not fine but I can’t do anything else!” he screams. “I don’t have time! If I stop, we’ll never find Sora and Kairi will sleep forever! What do you want from me?!”

“You want us to actually be here,” Sora replies.

“Stop!” he cries, clutching his head.

“We can’t.”

Kairi tries to explain what he already knows, “These are your thoughts.”

“I said stop!”

“Riku,” they both say.

“SHUT UP!”

Overwhelmed, Riku breaks. His heart crumbles in his chest and tears fall.

Sora and Riku barely spent any time apart when they met; Kairi shared that bond from the moment the boys found her on the beach. They were inseparable, they were his best friends, but ever since he let his heart slip that one time, he’s spent most of his time cut off from them—fighting to regain some normalcy. Had he known that the people most important to him would be torn away, he never would’ve taken Terra’s keyblade. But he did, and now he’s alone, in the Gummiship, on a foreign world, without a single clue as to when this depression will end.

“You should get some sleep,” Kairi speaks.

“We know you’re trying your best for us, but make sure you take care of yourself,” says Sora.

“Would you please just shut up,” Riku begs, curling up to hide in vain.

Sora sighs. “Good night, Riku.”

“We miss you,” Kairi says.

And for the first time in a long time, his thoughts are silent. The voices of his friends had always been his driving force, but when faced with the reality of what they were—just voices in his head—he hated them. But now that his mind is finally quiet, he regrets his choice.

Another tear glides along his cheek, absorbed by the pillow. “I miss you too.”


End file.
